When You’re In Self-Betrayal

I didn’t want to write this topic because I’m dealing with the intricacies of this in my own life. I don’t think I quite understood what that meant until now.

What exactly is self-betrayal, and how do we recognize if it’s in fact present in our own lives?

Self-betrayal, in my opinion is unknowingly or knowingly deciding to not be true to ourselves. Whether that is to go against our values, belief systems, and things that keep us true to our core and who we are.

If ever this statement rings true to you, then it’s time to look at your life and to see clearly if there are any loopholes as to where you decided to stop loving yourself, cherishing yourself, and just accepting anything as it is.

Once you decide to shift away from your core identity and accept things that you know aren’t right, you have allowed yourself to be betrayed.

Now it gets tricky at times, trying to unravel the very part of yourself that finally awakened to what you didn’t understand about yourself previously.

This is why self-awareness is key in every area of life. That daily practice is what keeps you centered and grounded in life for the long run.

Without this daily practice, you will eventually become the person who would have settled for less than the best and ultimately be in self-betrayal.

If you feel that this post relates to your current struggles, then I want to bring awareness to this topic. Please feel free to add to my list or ask your questions or concerns below. I would be happy to help you!

“Understanding self-betrayal is closely linked to self-awareness. When you are not in alignment with who you are—your core values and belief system—you end up falling into self-betrayal.”

No Confidence In Yourself

This is the first thing that is lacking when a person is in self-betrayal and doesn’t know that they are. They lack the internal confidence that is usually present in a person to alert them to things that come against their beliefs and value systems.

When you are aware of something that is not right, your body will let you know fully. That’s the fight-or-flight response that we usually talk about. Your body is fully aware of harm.

Your mind, however, takes some time to recognize that there’s a problem. The reason is that it’s sometimes filled with fears, doubts, and anxiety. It will cause you to settle for anything if you’re not aware of your own internal struggles.

For instance, you are at work, and your coworker asks you to help cover up some discrepancies on her part so that she doesn’t get into trouble.

If you’re struggling with confidence in yourself and your ability to tell that coworker no, you may go against that internal value system and tell the coworker you’ll participate in her wishes.

It’s because you lack the confidence to actually tell the coworker no. You would rather maybe keep the peace and may also fear being reprimanded or undergoing backlash from the employee for speaking up against doing it.

If, however, you didn’t have a confidence problem and you were fully aware of the errors in her ways, then your immediate response would have been no, and there would be no fear of retaliation because you chose to tell her no.

This is exactly why it is important to develop real self-confidence in yourself, so that it’s not easy for anybody to get you to do something against what you truly believe.

Fear Of Retaliation

Whenever you go against your own core values and belief system, you are afraid of something as well. The fear for most of us is the fear of retaliation. You fear standing up for yourself because you don’t want to deal with the consequences of that action.

That may be, for instance, what I just previously mentioned about the coworker asking you to participate in her deception. You choose to go along with it because you fear that she may speak up against you or try to sabotage your job. So you go with it because of the fear of retaliation.

However, doing so leads to self-betrayal—allowing fear to make you compromise instead of saying ‘no,’ even if it costs you your job.

It’s best, however, to lose those temporary things than to ever lose the very core of who you are. Jobs come and go, but your self-esteem is needed for a lifetime.

Lack of Self-Love

When you know deep down that something is not right but you still choose to compromise on your core values and belief system, it tells me also that you’re lacking self-love.

When you don’t love yourself and love yourself well, you will easily compromise on your core values and belief system. Love is an anchor for your soul.

Self-love teaches you that it’s ok to have boundaries against things that go against your very nature. Self-love is also your body’s way of protecting itself from threats.

When you know deep down that something is not ok, it is an indication that you’re going against your love for self.

For instance, that relationship that you know deep down is not healthy for you, and you got the warnings so many times from your own self, people around you, or even the very person exposing who they are.

However, because you choose to go against your internal knowing, you end up falling prey to settling for this relationship, knowing that it’s not a healthy one.

Now you’re falling deep into self-betrayal with this relationship that’s become toxic or unbearable for you.

If this is something that you have personally struggled with, then read this blog post on Learning To Love Who You Are for more insights on how to truly love, honor, and cherish who you are.

People Pleasing

I have mentioned this other post before about people-pleasing and the effects on your love for self. Whenever you fight with this in your life, it is a form of self-betrayal.

Your ability to make sound decisions for yourself is a part of self-love and acceptance. If you know deep down that you want to make a positive change in your life, but you share the idea with a close family member or friend who responds negatively—perhaps from a place that isn’t genuine—and you decide to agree with their opinion instead of trusting your own intuition and journey, that is a form of self-betrayal.

Many people have settled for less than the best for their lives because of this scenario being played out in their lives.

If you have ever allowed the opinions of others to dictate how you should live your life on a regular basis, I can guarantee that you will be living a life of disappointments and regrets on a continual basis.

Sometimes, it’s best to choose the path that you know deep down is right for you and to not be so easily influenced by others, especially if it’s coming from a negative place.

If you struggle with this form of self-betrayal, then read my blog post on Fighting Back The Fears You Face.

Solidify Your Core Values and Belief System

Know fully what your core values and belief system are and stay true to them. As a matter of fact, I would suggest that you write them down clearly and plainly.

Let yourself be fully aware of them. That way, if ever something comes up that goes against what you believe about yourself, you will be more open to not going against your very core.

That to me is the best form of self-awareness that I know will help you to stay on the path ahead and to keep trusting your internal instincts that was there to guide you along the journey of life.

I hope that these 5 tips will help you to not ever give self-betrayal another day in your life. Also, if you have seen this pattern in yourself, then it’s never too late to start again on a new path of truly loving yourself and loving who you are unapologetically.

I wrote a book called A Balanced Life: Moving From a Dysfunctional Life to a Purposeful One. I do believe that we can create the lives that we want to live for ourselves in peace and balance.

We need to make it a priority to shift our lives from what’s not working or helping us be our best selves to something more balanced and meaningful. Get a copy on Amazon.

Also, for more finding balance and self-care-related blog posts, visit:

• Fighting Back The Fears You Face
• Knowing When To Slow Down
• How To Create Healthy Boundaries
• Learning To Be At Rest
• When Life Challenges Your Faith
• Living Life In Freedom
• Being Intentional About Guarding Your Heart
• Learning To Let Go Of What Doesn’t Serve You
• Walking By Faith Each Day
• Finding Joy And Peace In Simplicity
• Finding Peace In Chaos
• Learning To Love Who You Are
• Living A Life Of Gratitude
• Balancing Motherhood and Purpose
• A Mom In Need Of A TIME-OUT
• Benefits Of Self-care As A Mom
• Overcoming The Hurdles And Struggles Of Motherhood
• Staying fit as a mom

In addition, for more information about my personal journey of re-discovery, get a copy of my book available on Amazon: I am Who God Says I Am: Always be inspired to live the life God has planned for you. It also highlights my personal journey of transition from a dysfunctional life to a purposeful one.

Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, or Pinterest to see how life can be lived in balance.

Did you find the strategies listed in this article helpful? What were some of your favorite tips? How have they worked for you? Leave a comment below; I’d love to know what you think.

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