Learning To Love Who You Are

Do you love who you are? Do you love how you were created? Are you aware of the hidden talents and gifts inside of you? Are you happy with yourself and your personal goals?

Do you say good things about yourself regularly? If you are stumbling over any of these answers, then I want to stop you for a moment and tell you that your love language for yourself is lacking.

What do I mean by that? You don’t like exactly who you are and who you were created to be. There is somewhere internally a struggle about yourself that you forgot to address as you went through your life.

It could be childhood trauma, relationship issues, self-esteem issues, and so many different things that could have influenced you to not love who you are.

Take a look back at your life and try to identify whether there was something that changed your perspective about yourself. How was your childhood? Were you bullied in school, told you were different by adults, siblings, or even relatives? Is there any trauma associated with your past?

Next, look at your other experiences, such as college, fraternities, jobs, and social communities. Did anyone say negative things about you in those circles?

The first step to really understanding your love language is to see whether there was any negative influence whatsoever that could have affected your belief system about yourself.

I have had similar experiences growing up that I don’t mind sharing with you to give you more perspective. I struggled with my self-esteem for the majority of my childhood years, because of how I looked to others around me.

I was skinny in stature at the time, and in a culture that looks highly on women with a thicker stature as beautiful. The rest who didn’t fit that criteria were teased a whole lot in school. I was definitely on that list.

So I, for the most part, hid myself in baggy jeans and long skirts. I did, however, have a totally different experience in college, because around that time, the prior standard of thicker women being the chosen ones now shifted to being more on the skinnier side. The gym craze then exploded. Overnight, I went from being teased all the time to now being accepted just the way I was.

Did it, however, change the way I saw myself or loved myself? No, it didn’t. The self-esteem damage was already done. I had to take a long, deep journey of discovering who I am, why I was created to look this way, and where I am now becoming myself.

Was it overnight? No, it wasn’t. In fact, it took years to get to a place where I was not influenced anymore by people’s perception of myself.

I believed that I had only one life to live, and if I was going to be spending it living for the likes of others, I would be spending a lifetime living in self-betrayal.

So I decided, after so many fights with my self-esteem, that I would not spend wasted years anymore fixated on my perceptions of myself. I would now focus on loving who I am, what I was created in this world to be, and where my journey would take me with my newfound confidence in myself.

So let me give you some tips on how to start loving yourself, your gifts and talents, and the reason why you were created to be in this world.

Are you also struggling to love yourself in this season of life? Or do you have any suggestions on how to truly love who you are? Please feel free to add to my list, or ask your questions or concerns below. I would be happy to help you!

“The best gift that I can give to myself is to love who I am, who I was created to be, and how I can live a life of loving myself unapolagetically”

Internal Assessment

Think about your love meter for yourself right now. Write down what comes to mind right away. Say to yourself, “I don’t like xyz about myself because ….

Keep writing everything down that comes to mind. Also write down the moments when it started. Write down the interactions with people who have influenced it. From there, you will be able to pinpoint where exactly you decided to not love yourself enough anymore.

Internal assessment is not a one-time and-done looking within ourselves. It actually should be a constant practice throughout our lifetime. Because let’s be real! We have to interact with this world and everything that tells us we’re not beautiful enough, smart enough, more than enough, and so much more.

So keep bringing the negative emotions to the surface periodically throughout life, and as you do, you will realize that you have built a solid foundation because of this practice of self-awareness to never stop loving yourself.

The Little Things That Count

It’s the little things that we do for ourselves that help to build back our love meter for ourselves. What have you abandoned that used to help you to feel love for yourself?

If I could take a poll, I would say that we as women, with our very busy schedules, have neglected taking care of our wellbeing. Some of you love doing your hair, nails, exercise, journalling, etc.

We all have something that we like to pour back into ourselves that helps us to feel loved. Whatever you have loved to do for yourself, or would like to start new, then do so.

This simple exercise is saying to you that you love your body enough to pour into it lovingly each time. Don’t let “busy” and “selflessness” for others shift your focus off yourself and your wants and needs, to being loving towards yourself again.

Your Interactions With Others

I call the people in my life who always have the most negative things to say to me, that they are ” love bombers”. What I mean by that is, the words that they may say to you can have an impact on your love for yourself if you choose to accept them.

I’m not in any way against accountability given in love by others. We do need them. But the ones who can’t seem to say them in a “loving” way won’t get my attention whatsoever. They also won’t be able to influence me either.

I choose to guard my ear gates with gladness. If you have nothing good to say, you don’t get to enter my thought process. I choose what I allow to influence me for good and only good. If something is beneficial for my growth and development in the area of self-love and appreciation, then I’m all ears.

If it’s going to send me down a road of fighting against my belief system about myself, my worth, or my goals, then I’m shut off from you. I don’t entertain what kills my spirit. I’m very careful now about who gets to speak into me. It has to come from a place of love.

Therefore, take an audit of the people around you who are the most negative and toxic towards your journey and start to assess if their thoughts towards you are for your good. If not, then you may have to either reduce the interactions or completely separate yourself from them.

I am known to tell others that I have TWO boxes, figuratively. In one box, I have the most influential encouragers that will always lift my spirit whenever I interact with them.

Then in another box, I have the negative, condescending ones who dim my spirit. I will choose to entertain the positive people more in my box and rather limit my access and interactions with the negative ones.

That’s self-love! I am choosing what I feed my soul each day.

Finding Yourself Again

If you have found yourself in a toxic cycle of self-hatred, for however long you have fought yourself, your belief system, and your value system, then it’s time to assess how far you have brought yourself to this realization.

It’s now time to do something about it. Life is too short. Here today and gone tomorrow. The more time you spend hating yourself, the more time your body starts to also wear you down.

Here’s something interesting! When you observe some people in life, they may have a look of sadness all over. Now don’t get me wrong, people have been through tough situations in life, but for the ones who have made self-hatred their anthem, I can guarantee that they look just how they feel about themselves, because self-hatred does age you.

Then there are the ones that just look so radiant in themselves. Their skin is glowing and thriving throughout. You can also see light in their eyes. These people know something about self-love. I am also sure that they don’t just allow anybody to influence them, either from a negative spirit.

So the way to finding yourself again and putting the sparkle back into your eyes is to work on finding who you are, what you were made for, and how you can love yourself in entirety.

When You Love Yourself, Others Benefit

When you truly love yourself, you look different, walk differently, and also talk differently. People will be drawn to you because of how you carry self-love.

Your family will also interact differently with you. Your friends or colleagues will also question your behavior towards them. It’s because you took the time to work on your core.

You decided to love yourself endlessly. And when you do that, people will get some of your positive influence back into their lives. That’s why it’s important to work on your self-love no matter what.

Find The Time For Self-Care

I always think it’s necessary to find the time for self-care. It’s interesting how in this world that we live in, we are often told to give more of ourselves to our own detriment. Now nothing is wrong with giving. Giving is actually a good form of helping others.

However, you can’t give from a depleted soul, and that’s the difference. Have you seen people giving until they are no longer present with themselves? It’s because they give but don’t think that they need to replenish after, then do the same thing again.

As much as you need to give to others, you also need to be pouring back into yourself. Otherwise, your giving will be from a tired place. Eventually, you will also resent the very role you wanted to start in the first place.

So be very careful to balance giving along with the need to care for yourself.

I hope these tips will point you back in the right direction of loving yourself and pouring into yourself daily. You will see the difference in your spirit when you give freely to yourself unapologetically.

I wrote a book called A Balanced Life: Moving From a Dysfunctional Life to a Purposeful One. I do believe that we can create the lives that we want to live for ourselves in peace and balance.

We need to make it a priority to shift our lives from what’s not working or helping us be our best selves to something more balanced and meaningful. Get a copy on Amazon.

Also, for more finding balance and self-care-related blog posts, visit:

• Living A Life Of Gratitude
• Balancing Motherhood and Purpose
• A Mom In Need Of A TIME-OUT
• Benefits Of Self-care As A Mom
• Overcoming The Hurdles And Struggles Of Motherhood
• Staying fit as a mom

In addition, for more information about my personal journey of re-discovery, get a copy of my book available on Amazon: I am Who God Says I Am: Always be inspired to live the life God has planned for you. It also highlights my personal journey of transition from a dysfunctional life to a purposeful one.

Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, or Pinterest to see how life can be lived in balance.

Did you find the strategies listed in this article helpful? What were some of your favorite tips? How have they worked for you? Leave a comment below; I’d love to know what you think.

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